Aisa pehli baar hoa hai. Itni khayaloun main kho gayi keh bus kub ayi pata hi nahi chala. Kuch to hogaya hai aur jo bhi hai...acha nahi. Usdin bhi hospice jate hoye apne dehaan main kho gayi thi na. Ab aisa nahi karna. Abb to seekh jana chahiye issay pehle keh such main kam say jaoun...usdin kissi ki annay ki khabar na hoyi, ajj bus ki...aur kal maut chum kar guzray gi aur main apne hi dehaan main idher say udher chali jaoungi. Na koi khaber na koi pata.
Abb phir say iska pata badalana hoga/ Abb aisay khayal ataye keh jitne kum log janain utna behtar =) aur na hi main Unko likh sakthi ...abhi say hi pareshani banay ka shauk nahi hai mujhe...na koi raazdaaan hai...na koi humsafar hai...jaltah hai mera dil...nahi..mera dil jaltha nahi. Pata nahi kyoun log janle say hi tashbeeh dete. Aisa mere saath to nahi hota...mera dil too doobta hai...koi chinta mainoun anderoun anderoun khaye...thats what it is....ander say hi doobna...dil onncha asmaan ko chootay aik dive main gayaa...aur jaisay jism abhi upper hi mager ander say sub kuch girtha hoa....aik aisi khayi main jiski koi haadh nahi...aisa dar...keh kahain to pohunch jaoun...kuch to samaj aye...cho hi sahi lagaye...mager koi to jawab milaye....
......aik sawal sa......
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Tuesday, September 23, 2003
Sunday, September 21, 2003
Monday, September 15, 2003
This hopefully is my first and last post on the phenomena of love...its just too hard of a topic to discuss and I just feel as if at this point in life we could do without it :) ...hayeeeeen you might say haha...well I would cause here I'm just refering to that hmmm dreamlike love state...not the love you have for God or your parents or friends but that which makes you think you can fly :) Sweet in its own sense but hey its a distraction...I just wanted to record my dreams here...maybe someday I'll come back and see what childish dreams I had...how they can never be true...but for the moment for the time...let me dream :)
I don't believe in going upto anyone and saying the three words...that would just be too little...and would not mean anything. The day I shall say anything will be as a response ...then everything will come out. Yes I do believe in tradition..and yes like any normal sane gal I do believe in my knight in shining armor...what can I say all those movies have gotten to me as well...all those books have shown me dreams as well..will these dreams get in the way of my life...will my search for my shehzada be in vain? only time can tell... He'll come galloping on a horse...when the sun is about to rest and the moon is to rise in its beauty...the last rays of the sun shall shine on him...obscuring his face from me but making him appear larger then life..his hair..hahaha...why did majestic handsome knights have to have long hair :p makes you dream of him with it...but if he decides not to..I think i can live with it :)..He'll be on a sleek black stallion...wearing hmm a dark shirt with black leather?? hahaha nahh whatever he wears :) but there has to be a cape...a billowing cape which envelops him as he rides...he'll come eyes sparkling and and look down upon me...in an instant he'll be off his stallion and sitting infront of me :) and then he'll say....hmm well that is upto him But it shall be him saying the first word...professing his heart first...thori deer hogayi ...mager agaya :) it has to be long...and sweet...and his own words...no one elses shall do!! and he shall look expectantly...in one moment he shall lay his life in my hands " I give it to you" and i shall not make him suffer :) my eyes will show him..my smile shall prove it and then my words...have yet to think of what i shall say...or maybe the moment will make them spill out :) hmmmm...childish dreams...yes i do live in the 21st century..yes I am intelligent and free...and yet...such childish dreams...but he shall make them come true :)....and no more...not another word shall I utter of my knight...not another...Godspeed as they say ...may Allah be with u...come at your own time...I shall know it is you when u arrive...jo bhi hai...jub bhi aye...I'll look at the moon...and somewhere u shall be looking at the same moon...the same stars we shall wish upon....no more to say...I know who I am... but who are you... :)
I don't believe in going upto anyone and saying the three words...that would just be too little...and would not mean anything. The day I shall say anything will be as a response ...then everything will come out. Yes I do believe in tradition..and yes like any normal sane gal I do believe in my knight in shining armor...what can I say all those movies have gotten to me as well...all those books have shown me dreams as well..will these dreams get in the way of my life...will my search for my shehzada be in vain? only time can tell... He'll come galloping on a horse...when the sun is about to rest and the moon is to rise in its beauty...the last rays of the sun shall shine on him...obscuring his face from me but making him appear larger then life..his hair..hahaha...why did majestic handsome knights have to have long hair :p makes you dream of him with it...but if he decides not to..I think i can live with it :)..He'll be on a sleek black stallion...wearing hmm a dark shirt with black leather?? hahaha nahh whatever he wears :) but there has to be a cape...a billowing cape which envelops him as he rides...he'll come eyes sparkling and and look down upon me...in an instant he'll be off his stallion and sitting infront of me :) and then he'll say....hmm well that is upto him But it shall be him saying the first word...professing his heart first...thori deer hogayi ...mager agaya :) it has to be long...and sweet...and his own words...no one elses shall do!! and he shall look expectantly...in one moment he shall lay his life in my hands " I give it to you" and i shall not make him suffer :) my eyes will show him..my smile shall prove it and then my words...have yet to think of what i shall say...or maybe the moment will make them spill out :) hmmmm...childish dreams...yes i do live in the 21st century..yes I am intelligent and free...and yet...such childish dreams...but he shall make them come true :)....and no more...not another word shall I utter of my knight...not another...Godspeed as they say ...may Allah be with u...come at your own time...I shall know it is you when u arrive...jo bhi hai...jub bhi aye...I'll look at the moon...and somewhere u shall be looking at the same moon...the same stars we shall wish upon....no more to say...I know who I am... but who are you... :)
Monday, September 01, 2003
amarbail :) I have no idea what the english word for this is but the meaning behind this is hmmm wicked :D...abbu had gotten a few books of afsanay of banu qudsia last time he came but i never got around to reading any of them. But then me thought i wana try ..and so picked up amarbail. Read the afsana in it of the same name and awwwww i think i did shed a tear :S khair happens! amarbail in laymans terms... a parastic plant...but that just ruins the image of everything ...I would much rather think of it as pretty plant born out of love and as it tries to attain it for itself it ends up hurting and killing...the same tree it tries to hug out of compassion it strangles to death...a slow death.
Banu Qudsias renderation of the tree is wonderous :D she uses the amarbail to describe a love that is infulfilable (don't look in a dictionary i made that word up)...and in being so it eats away at the person who wishes to possess it. Theres a story behind the flower hyacinth...it grows on an amarbail and it was formed when apollo cried over the death of hyacinth a beautiful boy...the boy was a victim of everyones "love" and if one person couldn't have him then no one could...and no one did....and the plant named the same grows to produce the pretty flower shaped like two teardrops and everything it comes in contact with ends up dying.
The touch is scary...kinda like rogue...no one can come touch her and she can never really be happy because she ends up hurting anyone who tries. hmmmm....thoughts ghoom rahaye but i just can't express what I wana share :) so till I find enough words to be able to give a frame to my thoughts I'll leave with banu qudsias words :) I really recommend this story and everything esle by her as well...she has a way of saying stuff that makes u wonder...can words actually be so beautiful :D
"muhabbat ki amarbel main hamesha hyacinth kay phool lagthay hain. "
"hyacinth pachtaway ka phool hai. muhabbat ka madfun hai. is say judai ki khushbo athi hai. is main tamanaoun ka laho jhulmulata hai. is ki har pankhaRi par likha hota hai afsoos...sada afsoos...is ki ankhoun say do chotay say aanso chilmilatay hoye mujhe par aan giray."
"mere ird gird amarbail chaRh chuki hai. main tumhara qarz loTa raha houn. holay holay...aanso ba aanso...aaw dar aaw."
Banu Qudsias renderation of the tree is wonderous :D she uses the amarbail to describe a love that is infulfilable (don't look in a dictionary i made that word up)...and in being so it eats away at the person who wishes to possess it. Theres a story behind the flower hyacinth...it grows on an amarbail and it was formed when apollo cried over the death of hyacinth a beautiful boy...the boy was a victim of everyones "love" and if one person couldn't have him then no one could...and no one did....and the plant named the same grows to produce the pretty flower shaped like two teardrops and everything it comes in contact with ends up dying.
The touch is scary...kinda like rogue...no one can come touch her and she can never really be happy because she ends up hurting anyone who tries. hmmmm....thoughts ghoom rahaye but i just can't express what I wana share :) so till I find enough words to be able to give a frame to my thoughts I'll leave with banu qudsias words :) I really recommend this story and everything esle by her as well...she has a way of saying stuff that makes u wonder...can words actually be so beautiful :D
"muhabbat ki amarbel main hamesha hyacinth kay phool lagthay hain. "
"hyacinth pachtaway ka phool hai. muhabbat ka madfun hai. is say judai ki khushbo athi hai. is main tamanaoun ka laho jhulmulata hai. is ki har pankhaRi par likha hota hai afsoos...sada afsoos...is ki ankhoun say do chotay say aanso chilmilatay hoye mujhe par aan giray."
"mere ird gird amarbail chaRh chuki hai. main tumhara qarz loTa raha houn. holay holay...aanso ba aanso...aaw dar aaw."
